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  • Jon Bolitho-Jones

10 Things you need to know before visiting Edimor

Updated: Nov 25, 2020


Extract from the Alpharian Responsible Adventurer, Merchant, and Tourist guide by young centaur reporter Agitha Neighline Pump.


"Hello magical travellers and welcome to Edimor! It may seem like a large place, and at times feel overwhelming, but I can promise you that happiness, adventure, and peace can still be found. Of course thanks to the bountiful efforts of the Alpharian Confederation order has been maintained, and every individual, from the angriest Ror to the sweetest Pixie, can exist and make a living. Still, for every young traveller, adventurer, colonist, and prospector out there we recommend you go over these 10 quick facts before heading out amongst the stars.

1. The famous goblin philanthropist Alberfungus Betswish Stunk named the galaxy after his pet cat. The etymology of the name Edimor however is still a mystery.


2. Edimor is huge. Though much of it has been catalogued, discovered, and colonised there are some places yet to be explored. In particular the Void Stars have remained a mystery. Some say [XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX redacted by the Alpharian Peace, Information, and Censorship Corps XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX]


3. The planets that are found within Edimor vary dramatically. There are many temperate, habitable planets for good Alpharian citizens to live, where most of the surface is covered in cities. Others have been converted into huge factories and junkyards, whilst others are beyond description, being made of materials such as glass or fire. More confusing are the planets with only one climate. Scienomancers call these planets the product of galactic laziness – that if they were made by some god it was during their years as a child or at a time when they couldn’t be bothered to put much effort into it.



4. The Alpharian Confederation is run from the capital planet Goldensmorg near the centre of the galaxy. A happy place covered in almost endless buildings, bustling activity, and a warm reassuring layer of smog.


5. Along with an army of scribes and bureaucrats (mostly made up of goblins) the Confederacy is run by the Oligarchy, which is exclusively made up of Smargs. Though large and unaesthetically pleasing, they are benevolent, thoughtful rulers, who are not at all in any way greedy or corrupt.


6. Law and order is taken very seriously in the Alpharian Confederacy. It is their desire to keep every good and honest citizen safe. For the most serious and dangerous offenders, they are transported to Andraaxia, and put under the care of Grand High Inquisitor Malakia more commonly known as the Inquisitor. He may look frightening but he does what he needs to do for your safety and happiness.


7. There are an almost countless number of races found within the Alpharian Confederation. From Orcs, to Gnomes, Trolls, and Rotscavs, nearly every race in Edimor is drawn to our great civilisation. As such there is a huge variety of spices, food, drink, and festivities which you can experience, very few of which are poisonous or in any way fatal. Though be advised – one wrong gesture or action, whether intended or not, can be incredibly offensive to some cultures. It is therefore best to be careful.



8. Magic is everywhere. Do not worry, it is controlled and used on a daily basis for a variety of activities from space travel to construction. The individuals who have these abilities train for years at the magical colleges. Some are of course more prestigious then others, and it is recommended that you avoid any Dramatimancers. They are eccentric types who do little but waste time.


9. There are sadly those who have turned their back on the Alpharian Confederation. Along with the Border Princes and Crime Lords, who rule over their own petty interstellar kingdoms, there are also pirates. Most of these are harmless, more interested in adventure and treasure. However there are some, like the crews of the Abomination, the Evanescence, and the Swordfysh who are incredibly dangerous, and it is recommended you maintain a wide birth. All pirates are outlaws and any contact with them is thoroughly discouraged. Fraternisation with such people can lead to severe punishment.



10. With so many races and cultures around you might be worried that you will need to learn thousands of different languages. Do not worry, in reality there are very few. The majority of individuals you will meet speak “standard”, otherwise known as Ingrish. Where this language came from is not known and it has always been that way. Another one of the great mysteries of this brilliant and magical galaxy called Edimor."


Artwork done by the wonderful Bethan Vann, so if you would like to check out more of her work you can find her via the following links:

Instagram - @somethingbybeth

Facebook - @bvillustration

Twitter - @BethinTransit



With that it's bye for now. I'll be back soon.

Jon



https://www.troubador.co.uk/bookshop/young-adult/when-the-world-falls-down/



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